So I've been really caught up in school work for the past weeks, like riding on a bullet train but with many things to accomplish in that short period of time. Been thinking a lot when sitting on the bus, before putting myself to sleep, while watching videos, doing tutorials, watching people passing by...
Sometimes I really wonder why am I working so hard for. Putting so much effort and time.Money? Future Job? Family? Myself?
Technically there's no right answer in life, just whatever I choose to do is just gonna be a part of my life and will affect what I could do next. I just really hate that I'm too caught up in chasing something that doesn't really mean the world to me but just for survival sake in this society, world whatever. Why am I doing this, I really have no idea. On top of that I can't exactly find what I like to do without feeling dejected and hopeless. My future is a big fat blank with no ascertain goals. I really hope there's still enough time to discover something that makes me run for it, never giving up on it, always will be a brightly lit fire to guide me through.
Motivation is also a funny thing, though I find whatever I'm doing now is aimless but somehow I find a will to keep pushing myself to finished this chapter of life to the best of I can before it ends again. Where did it come from? Or was it because of hope? That maybe someday I will look back and thank my past self for doing my future self a favour so I won't starve to death?Or that maybe doing this is something useful and permanent to carve a path for my life?
There are times when I feel its time to let everything go, I'm really sick of doing the same old routine over and over again but somehow I'm still scared if I really let go, what will happen to me? My family? Would I burden them further with all my worries and selfishness? Because really, there's one principle I always live by is always, never, as much as possible to burden anyone with my own problems, especially major ones. I hate doing this to people when its my own problem and I should solve it myself. Makes me feel so clingy and useless if I did that.
Seriously what am I doing with my life?
Anyway the point of this post it really...no point. I don't have answers to the problems I faced, just feelings tumbling out when thinking of all these big life questions that I ponder most of the time.
In time to come I just want to know what I'm good at, what can I do for work, what can i do to make myself and loved ones happy everyday and wake up to optimism.
What caused me to think so much was because of this post that Kalel to wrote, somehow it just snap into my mind and BAM, thinking about what I'm facing right now but I'm not taking any actions for now to deal with it. Probably when I can clear my mind first and figure out the answers .
Do take a read, maybe it will inspired you?
Goodbye for now!~